Overcoming the Fear of Food and the Struggle with Control
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”
Matthew 6:25
I don’t even know if this is going to reach the right audience, and I guess with every post I make that gamble. But here I am, about to confess something I haven’t confessed to many. While this has remained a struggle for many years and I am not proud of it, it continues to control my life in a way that I have to write about it to get it off my chest. I know I am not the only one, so If I reach at least one person through this then I have done my job, though I know it can be a touchy topic for many.
I struggle a lot with the fear of food. I have (off and on) since about middle school and I am in no way proud of the tendencies and habits I have formed because of it. I’ve been high on the feeling of starvation, and happy with sitting at the brink of passing out if only it means I achieve a flat stomach. Like many girls and some guys, it brings a sense of control. In the midst of feeling like negative things keep happening and my life feels “out of control”, this has been my way of coping recently. I find myself restricting as a form of control, but also fall into traps of overeating in hopes that it will satisfy my aching soul. Along with that, I avoid it because I am afraid of what might happen each time I put something in my mouth.
Back in middle school, I caught onto the habit (like a lot of people) of tracking my food. Though in no way healthy, my “goal” each day was to eat 1200 calories or less. If I went over, I would do anything to undo those calories as “punishment”. As an active middle schooler, that was about the opposite of what my focus was to be on, but I didn’t know it at the time. It served as my idol because I was going through a lot of mental health struggles at the time, and this was going to be “my way out”. But as you probably guess, it didn’t last long because it is simply not something that will satisfy in the long run. I ended up seeing someone about it and working on ways to combat the negative feelings inside of me and get out of the trap (at least temporarily).
The fear of food can be so powerful each and every day and at every hour, so much so that you are exhausted before you have even had a meal. I know I am not the only one who has gone through this, and to be completely honest, I know it is one of many idols we worship when we do not fully and completely rely on God for our fulfillment. Our earthly bodies yearn for food, but our spiritual selves crave a relationship with our God. I can tell you that that desire will not be filled by watching hundreds of “what I eat in a day” videos by Victoria’s Secret models.
I don’t know what it is for you. You may be in the same boat I am, or you may be struggling with some other idol in your life, an idol that finds its way to overcome your life. From my experience, the devil will do anything in his power to take you away from a life with Jesus. That means we have to be strong when the temptation and attractiveness of idols come before us. The truth is that nothing can satisfy like the sweetness of a relationship with Christ. No matter what you are going through right now, nothing is worth compromising your relationship with Christ. For me, the sense of control I strive for in my life is only an unhealthy way of coping with what I am going through in life. It leaves me empty and I yearn for more.
If you have struggled with similar things, I feel for you, because I know how overwhelming and exhausting that daily mental battle can be. Pulling yourself out of a dark place mentally is one of the hardest things to do, and I applaud anyone who has done it. But don’t let anything of this world come before your relationship with Christ. For me, I try to remind myself that taking care of the body God has given me goes both ways. We can destroy it by not listening to it just as much as we can by over-indulging. That being said, it is my prayer that things of this world would not become an idol to us, but we would remain faithful to the one who sees us and understands us. Surrender your thoughts to him, and he will listen. He catches every tear and sees you at your weakest, yet he still has so much love for you. Remember that as you surrender your burdens today.
